Floater

They have a name for the winners in the world,

I want a name when I lose.

They call Alabama the Crimson Tide,

Call me Deacon Blue.

SD.

We are neither as good nor as bad as we think we are.   I am a floater.  I floated through preschool, napping by a Kerouac stream under an Eisenhower sky.    When I got a bike I floated around the neighborhood, exploring the Highways and the Byways, from the fire-roads to the interstates.  I could float anywhere as long as I got home at 6:00 for dinner.  When I started school, I floated around with my buddies as the class clowns, trying to make the girls laugh.  My Dad said, “just get B’s baby” and I did, except one year I got a U in Conduct for Unsatisfactory, and a nun told me I had ‘consummate gall’ from too much floating.  

I went to the best prep school I could In New York and I floated around, so the Brothers and Priests wouldn’t beat me up.  I hung on the bottom of the honor roll so my parents wouldn’t bug me, and I could do whatever I wanted.  I was a floater, not a slacker but school was a fun game that I did not need to win.  I wrestled, swam and played lacrosse but wasn’t very good because I saw the scale of diminishing returns for becoming great, and I didn’t have the time or the interest.

So, I went to the best college I could, in South Bend, and I found the sweet spot between moderation and mediocrity, theocracy and hypocrisy, and I hung on long enough to become a fair Engineer with some fine friends and great memories.   I didn’t want to work that hard again, so I floated around the country for six months as a traffic engineer but didn’t like traffic.  I liked water so I became a hydrologist, floating in water.

I didn’t want to get a real job, in a big city like New York and Chicago, with their endless eastern work ethic and constant hustle bustle.  So, I moved out west where the vibe was more chill and the priorities were more recreational.  California had been ‘had’ and Colorado was too ‘groovy’, so I found Utah, which was off the grid and under the radar.   Skiing was cheap, housing affordable and jobs plentiful.   It was Goldilocks; just right. 

I worked for a spell as a hydrologist with a small firm that built ski resorts, didn’t wear ties and took powder days off.  It was great fun and we did good work, like Deer Valley, Park Meadows and Silver Springs, but one day the ax just fell.  The firm got rich and corporate, canceled ski days and wanted me to be middle management, so it was time to go.  It was another ‘quality of life decision’ and a man must know his priorities and his limitations. 

I took a few years off to float, write and travel but found that travel is best when shared and no one else had the time and money to go with me.  Writing is good when you can write what you know, but at 25, I didn’t know anything.  So I had to put that career on hold for a few years.  Hydrology was my avocation, writing my aspiration.  Staring at a blank piece of writing paper is much more intimidating than building a computerized river model or building a 100 foot high dam.

So, I fell in love, built a house, raised a couple of families, and lived a life of domestic bliss.  It was simple and easy.  I made the money, ran the BBQs, cut the lawn and put out the garbage out.  She spent the money and took care of everything else.  A Trad Wife for the Rad Life.  We did a lot of camping and went on simple vacations.  We skied and biked and came home to hot tubs or hot chocolate on the couch.  Real Estate and Compound interest took care of our meagre savings and we grew comfortable. The kids grew up and moved on and so, eventually, did their mother, knowing that our floating days were over.  I dated and tested the waters and realized that human’s pair-bond and life is based on double occupancy.  So, I found another partner with the same vision and more suited to our simple life of floating.  A Rad wife for the Trad life.

I got a job with the state building dams and fixing rivers.  I floated the backroads to every small dam and river restoration in Utah.  Before I knew it, I became the voice of institutional wisdom and a team leader in the corner office, and they wanted me to be upper management again.  Being a ‘people person’ I thought that I would give it a try, but I didn’t like it because I wanted to float and be everybody’s friend.  I’m a hydrologist, damn it.  So, I retired early.

I have had some nice consulting and expert testimony part time work, teaching and board positions, philanthropy and community service, reading and writing, where I could float and do some good work, when and how I wanted.  For money, for friends or for fun.  We travel and take adventure trips without much planning or preparation, floating where the road leads us.  We hike and bike, board and ski, ride waves and rivers, but we don’t take anything too seriously.  I play Pickleball but don’t really care who wins, much to the chagrin of my partners.  I play golf, barefoot, with 4 clubs, but I don’t keep score and I’m not very good.  I count birdies.  Zero, so far this year.

I try to live a life where I don’t do much damage, trying to build a legacy for myself, my interests or my opinions.   The amount of devastation done to the world with too much ambition, good intentions and a bulldozer is mind-boggling.  I just want to live simply and quietly and not make too many excess waves or unnecessary ripples.  I have coffee on my back deck at sunrise and Bourbon on my front porch at sunset and let the day come-to-me in between, naturally.  I hope it is not a life wasted in mediocrity but rather a life celebrated in moderation.   Who knows?  Who cares?  I’m a floater.   Be more, apear less.